In last week’s post, Jess Reed, winner of the Smart Health Challenge, felt the sting of exercise but also the rewards of weight loss and watching her kids play lacrosse. This week, Reed gets caught at the cupcake store. Does she cave? Here’s her recap (in her own words):
Mondays are the worst! I am not sure if it is because my “off” day is Sunday, or because this is the day that I start worrying about weigh in, but I certainly am dragging when I walk into the gym. I will admit that I do feel better about halfway through my workout; I think I am actually starting to like it a little bit. I am not sure if it is because it is a stress reliever, or because I have no one asking me to do anything for them; either way I am thankful that I don’t detest it while I am doing it. Don’t get me wrong: It isn’t like I’d rather work out than watch a movie with my kids, but hey, it is better than cleaning the bathroom! I am starting to learn people’s faces and names when they come up and talk to me at the gym. I like that people feel comfortable coming up and telling me their stories and sharing their experiences with me. Today is day No. 1 when I try and eat almost no salt, so I don’t have water retention for my weigh-in.
I did my usual Tuesday morning routine today: Blended Step and Weights, followed by Yoga. I was in a BAD mood today, and for some reason my back was hurting. So of course, I got my period about two hours after I got home from the gym. Dammit; there goes the weigh-in! I usually retain 2 to 3 pounds of water with my period. I seriously cannot help but obsess over my weigh in. I know I need to focus on today and what I need to do for today, but reporting to you guys every week is still freaking me out a bit. I entered because I wanted the accountability; I just didn’t anticipate the amount of stress it would put in my life. I just keep telling myself it will all get better after next week when my finals are over with. I guess now we just all have to wait and see if I am right!
I was very pleased with my weigh-in today: I lost 4 pounds. That means I have lost a total of 17 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I trained with Mindy today and it was a killer, but I think we focused more on arms this week than legs. I can deal with arms; it is when I can’t walk that it really screws up my week. Mindy mentioned this week in her response to my blog that the excitement of this process goes away and you need to find your own motivation. Well, let me admit to you that all the excitement is GONE. I am in a very precarious position, I am hungry and working out, but haven’t really seen the benefit yet. I have lost weight but it isn’t like I look in the mirror and say to myself, “Damn girl, you look good!” I am not there yet, and when you are as big as I am, 17 pounds isn’t that much weight; it is like an average weight person losing 1 to 2 pounds.
I am also noticing that since I added this program I am feeling very disconnected emotionally from everyone. I feel very distant from my husband and some of my friends, and I miss them. The things I used to do for myself to take a break from life, I don’t have time to do anymore. My friends are wildly supportive; I just don’t get to join in the fun like I used to. I had to cancel a weekly girls’ night that I used to have because of everything that is going on. Losing that one night a week has really had a negative emotional effect on me. My “me” time is working out and thinking about every single thing I put in my mouth. There is no way around it; it just sucks. My goal this week is to have some fun with some girl friends!
So today was spent running around looking for dessert donations for this lacrosse fundraiser I am organizing at Central Market. So basically, I spent my whole day looking at cupcakes, cookies and brownies. If you remember, last week I had declared I found my personal hell and it was named Sweet Frog; I would like to add today’s errands to my definition! So, to top it all off someone saw me going into a cupcake store, texted Mindy, and I received this text:
I am not quite sure how to feel about this. At first I was in shock, then I laughed about it, then I got mad! I have no idea who texted her about me, but unless it was her husband or a member of her staff, that is just weird. I wanted accountability, that is why I signed up, but this goes a little too far. I could be overreacting a tad, I will admit, but at this point, I think along with addictive personality (which I diagnosed myself with the other week), I might have a little Oppositional Defiance Disorder. My mother was riding along with me on my quest for donations, which was a life saver for me. I guarantee if she wasn’t there I would have sent Mindy back a picture of me taking a big bite out of a cupcake! That is exactly why I can’t have my husband hold me accountable; we would get in an argument and I would sit in my room and eat some chocolate just because I was mad at him and he was supposed to help me not eat it. If you can’t tell, I don’t like to be told what to do. This journey I am on is challenging me to change much more than my weight!
Today was my program day and since Mindy was in the gym, she added a 10-pound weight for me to hold when I am doing my crunches. It is always dangerous when Mindy is in the gym when you are doing your program. You better grunt a lot or she will make your tasks harder. So I haven’t gotten down the “being quiet and faking it” routine yet, and until I do she is going to kill me!
So I think I mentioned in an earlier entry that Mindy does not sweat. I am not kidding; that chick is so in shape she can teach a whole class and not sweat! I cannot explain to you how much this irritates me. So to build upon my self-diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder, I will tell you that my dream at this point is to sit and eat a birthday cake while watching Mindy working out so hard she is sweating! Here is one of the great things about Mindy: I explained this to her the other day in Zumba class and she just laughed.
I took my off-day today because the twins had a lacrosse tournament that started at 8:30 a.m. and lasted until about 5:30 p.m. I was stressed about this day, because literally, there were tents with six tables full of yummy food I couldn’t touch! I armed myself with food I could eat, sat myself far away from those tables, and Mindy sat with me. I did fine but I found myself hungry, just watching people eat. If I was at home I would have been satisfied, but it is amazing how much your mind tricks you into thinking you are hungry.
So after the games I went to my friend Denise’s house to play a little poker with some other women, and it was fun! We had a great time laughing, but it was overshadowed a bit while I sat there trying not to eat the cheese and delicious subs on the counter. I made it out of there without cheating on my diet, but below you will find a picture of how I felt.
Just like I wanted to hide!
This morning I walked for some cardio, and I did some jogging also. It is still embarrassing but I get my heart rate up and really get a much better cardio workout. Then in the evening I went to a class called Body Flow, which is amazing. I am missing my Sunday off, especially since yesterday I did a fair amount of walking at the lacrosse tournament. Even though it isn’t an off-day, today is pretty slow, and I don’t have much to report. But I will leave you all with a picture that a new friend of mine who I met at Phases sent me today. It explains exactly how I feel:
Have a good week!
Smart Health Challenge Week 4: Jess Reed feels the sting of exercise, rewards of weight loss
Smart Health Challenge Week 4: Mindy Quesenberry addresses Jess Reed’s struggles
Smart Health Challenge Week 3: Jess Reed shares her schedule
Smart Health Challenge Week 3: Mindy Quesenberry offers suggestions to stay motivated
Smart Health Challenge Week 2: Jess Reed starts working out, eats celery during Bunco night
Smart Health Challenge Week 2: Mindy Quesenberry weighs in
Smart Health Challenge Week 1: Jess Reed sets up her fitness and nutrition plan